I’m Going Through A Quarter Life “Crisis”

        It all started on a day like any other. There I was getting ready for a somewhat easy schedule, with a smile planted on my naive face because after my first and only class I was going to relax then go out for some drinks. I took a hot shower; blow dried my hair and applied a good amount of make up (you can tell this was a good day because I try to avoid the last two of those steps regularly). Then it happened.

            As I turned on my hair straightener I tried to fix my side part, and there it was- staring at me. Laughing at me even. A big, long, ugly gray hair. Just one. One was all it took for me to transform from a bright-eyed bushy tailed woman, to a damaged fragile soul. It was all I could think about all day; I called my mom and everything. Needless to say she didn’t feel bad for me, in fact, she said something along the lines of, “This is only the beginning my love…”

            The beginning?! Nonsense! Not on my freaking watch! I decided I would have to put an end to it immediately. It took a few weeks, but it quickly became a reality that the more I tried to run from it, the faster it would catch up to me. The rebellion inside my head was turning on me. I still don’t know what to do.

            I tried everything, and I mean everything. First thing on my list was to get drunk as shit. Yeah, as a college student I do that anyways but I was willing to take it to the next level.

 Alicia, let me reintroduce you to Vodka. Vodka, Alicia. Now that you two have had a moment to reconnect, have fun you guys! See you in the morning.

–Alicia’s Sanity

            So…long story short it didn’t work out. The only thing the vodka did to me was turn me into Angry Spice. Angry Spice cried about her gray hair to attractive guys at the bar all the night, and yelled at her innocent friends on the sidelines. Then as if that wasn’t heinous enough, I woke up with a hang over so detestable that I missed one of my classes. Who cares, right? Wrong. This brings me to my next point.

Exhibit A: Why am I being so responsible?! I skipped class, okay there’s always that. What did I do all day? Ask my poor roommate (who probably wasn’t happy with Angry Spice anyways). All fucking day I complained about skipping that class. All fucking day. I was actually upset with myself just thinking about the material I missed. I mean I was dealing with some real genuine guilt. WHY! Literally who CARES that I missed ONE class. I knew I was losing it at that point.

Exhibit B: Recently one of my guy friends from home wanted to hang out and catch up. First of all I was acting like a freak of nature, because my hometown is only 25 minutes away from my college so I go back there all the time. However after “the incident” (aka gray hair) I drove to my hometown and felt like a different person. I met up at the local gas station and felt awkwardly nostalgic. “I remember this from high school/I remember that from high school”. Okay Alicia calm down. Its been a hot minute since you were in high school so knock it off. What happened next was outrageous. My male friend asked if I wanted to split a bag of weed, which was nothing  too out there when I lived at home, I dabbled all the time with that shit. I went through my purse and noticed my credit card was still at my college. I had $12 in cash. What did I say to him? I said, “I wish I could but I only have a few dollars on me and I think I’m ganna pick up milk and scrubbing bubbles for my bathroom in Bridgewater.” WHAT. Yep. S-c-r-u-b-b-i-n-g BUBBLES. That is what I wanted to do with that money. I so badly wish I was making this up. SCRUBBING BUBBLES. I actually still can’t get over it. Scrubbing fucking bubbles.

Exhibit C: You guys know that feeling you get when you are about to do something exciting? Now I don’t mean normal exciting like getting drunk or going on a date you’ve been looking for. I am talking like, 6 Flags excited. With 6 Flags you can see yourself the entire car ride up imagining which rides you will go on first, and make up this whole weird scenario about little details that revolve around your experience at the park. Well this happened to me, except it was about IKEA.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Yes IKEA. Okay let me be fair about this one though. First of all I was on a serious journey with my neighbor because he said he would buy me a plant for baby-sitting his plants all of winter break. I never thought I would see the day where I would be hyped about going plant shopping, but whatever. So anyways all day I told people I was going to IKEA for the first time- that’s about how far I got before someone stopped me to say YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO IKEA?!?! Uh, no? What is the big deal? I was under the impression it was just like a Target or something. I was very wrong. 

I was so hyped up by 5 pm that by the time class got out I demanded we hit the road right away. That entire ride up I did that whole 6 Flags imagine thing I was talking about. I pictured myself looking at many plants, eating a hot dog (I was told there was food there). I saw myself comparing and contrasting plants trying to decide which was best for my apartment. Ask anyone I went with, I almost pissed my pants (literally) out of excitement when I saw elevators. 3 floors of home décor!? NO WAY. IKEA was more heavenly than I could have ever imagined. See that right there is a huge problem. Huge.

            I am honestly reaching out to all of my readers. What is a girl supposed to do? There I was for 21 years trying (way to hard) to grow up fast, and now I just want to go back or stop time. I know some people who are around my age and getting pregnant and its not even weird! As in I am actually congratulating them, because this is an actual age people have kids and get married. In only a year I need to find a real job and start looking for real life candidates for husbands. I don’t think those actually go hand in hand but common. I am freaking out here! The worst part about this is what my mom said is ever so valid, “This is only the beginning…”

It really is.

Why You Should be Happy for Others

Bad energy will have the boomerang effect

Let me go ahead and start this off by saying you would be shocked at how exhausting it can be to throw any type of negative energy towards others. Not only are you afflicting this nasty energy on others, but furthermore yourself, and trust me, people can sense that. Like fervent sharks to blood in the ocean your enemies and others seemingly closer to you as well will feed off of this. I was thinking to myself that I don’t remember the last time putting someone else down worked in my favor. Not to sound like a total cliché but if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say it at all because this day and age you wont get away with it. 

No one “likes a negative Nancy?” More like “no one will invite a negative Nancy to any of the parties and she will have to order Chinese for the 3^rd time this week because she’s lonely”. Wait, what?

None of your journeys are the same

Don’t catch yourself turning up your nose at the mention of a close friends success. At many different points of my life I thought I had this one figured out, and then I realized I didn’t. There is a solid message behind this idea: you need to find out what is so wrong with your life that is stopping you from celebrating the up comings of someone else’s. It is hard to feel elated for anyone when you yourself might feel trapped, maybe in a rut even. When you are in a ‘rut’ every ones life seems to be going better than yours, weather this is in terms of money, love, image… you will find something, anything and compare your situation with theirs. YOU CANNOT- I repeat- CANNOT DO THAT! You might interpret others as having a smooth carefree journey, but their pit stops and plights might be recently behind them or unexpectedly around the corner. That is why we must celebrate the fortune of others instead of being down on ourselves, because much like a new song stuck in your head their uplifting moment won’t last forever. What I am trying to say is you can’t just be there for someone when things are going bad, but also good (great even).  By comparing your life with other people will leave you thinking of your own life as mediocre when that isn’t the case, you have your own journey and comparing will only turn you into a Negative Nancy (refer back to being alone forever with Chinese food).

Jealousy is a bitch

…And that bitch is you. So take your spiteful ass somewhere else. Or how about this: stop sitting on your ass and go do something about it. Now listen, there are certain circumstances where you might be jealous of someone that is unreasonable. For example, those sexy glowing Victoria Secret model bitches are a given (like free pass status). But that seemingly perfect blonde in all of your classes who seems nice, smart, and is clearly a knock out is not fair game. Get your ass to the gym, get your head in a book and reevaluate your personality because you are spending way too much thought on someone else to be even remotely satisfied with who you really are. Negative Nancy, meet Jealous Jamie. Maybe the two of you can drink some wine and spend your evening together wondering why you haven’t gone on a date in two years.

            I’m actually a little sorry if I offended any of you Jealous Jamie’s out there, because as a human I understand that jealousy is a very natural feeling/reaction and most of you would make it go away if the choice was up to you. So on a lighter note when you are hating on someone else, remember there are others that might be admiring you from afar. You may be jealous of that radiant blonde, but that chick in the back row of your class might think you are the funny pretty smart one. Don’t ruin it for yourself by coming off as a jealous jerk. It is such a bad look, spare yourself.

5 Reminders As To Why You Aren’t Invincible on St. Patrick’s Day

1.    You will…puke

Yes, I know I know this holiday is pretty much only a thing because you get to drink a crazy amount and no one will judge you. The situation at hand is that people think that because it is National-Drink-Your-Brains-Out-Day they have developed some wacky super power that allows them to have a ridiculously higher tolerance than they do any other day of the year. Listen, you couldn’t drink a handle of Cpt. Morgan’s yesterday, so don’t think you can today.

 I know I sound like a wet blanket and NO I’m not a party pooper but you will ruin the shit show if you get sick by 1 in the afternoon! Pace yourself that way you can get sick at 1 in the morning instead. Not solid advice but hey, its St. Patty’s Day.

2.    You will make an ass out of yourself in front of your crush

There is a good chance that where ever you start off or end up you will be drunk upon arrival. Your eyes lock with your crush and you go in for the kill. Just kidding, you are too much of a pansy for that, so you begin your passive aggressive journey to get their attention. Every time you think about approaching them you realize you are too drunk to think of anything clever to say, so you turn into an even more drunk nervous freak and make a real jerk out of yourself. Nobody, and I mean nobody wants to deal with a sloppy mess.

3.    You will blow through your cash

Here comes the good old “completely ignore how much you think you have in your account and just keep using your card that probably only has $120 on it” strategy. I know when I do this (which happens way to often) I simply deal with this problem by not looking at my bank statements and completely avoiding using my card until my next pay check. 

AKA don’t let that be you because that’s beyond stupid. The drunker you get the easier it gets to blow through your wallet and buy another beer. The drunker you get the easier it gets to convince yourself you need a vodka redbull. But when you wake up hung over and go to use your card for Dunkin Donuts, well, you know where I’m going with this.

4.    You’re suddenly a hard-o

With the liquor flowing and the energy high in the air it isn’t too hard to go with the flow or…flip your lid in 2 seconds flat. That guy that just smiled at your girl is suddenly a threat, and that other guy that cut you in line for a beer is on your shit list. You would normally let either of these things go, but not on the night of St. Patrick’s Day! You charge full force making a real jerk out of yourself in front of the whole bar. Next thing you know the guard throws your obnoxious ass out of the bar and on the cold dirty street. Your friends won’t answer and you have no money for a cab? Happy Holidays.

5.    Drunk Driving

I want to switch gears for a quick second to something a bit more serious. I know it sounds like a broken record when I say drinking and driving isn’t cool. It isn’t just any casual night where you go out and have three drinks and sober up a bit, like this day exists so you can black out. You have an entire year to pick a friend that is going to be responsible, so figure it out! From another angle, keep in mind the cops are everywhere. If you value your life, your friends lives, the other drivers on the roads lives or your license you will think twice about getting behind the wheel all messed up. OR you can stop being a cheap ass and get a cab, that is if you haven’t blown all of your money on beers.

Things that were okay in High School but will screw you in college

1. Not taking notes

Since I've entered college I've had a personal vendetta against every teacher I've ever had since Middle School. Why you may ask? I have one simple line for you; "I'm preparing you for college...” Can we all please take a second to acknowledge that college is much easier than high school was, and all of that hard work has no connection to do with preparing me for "the real world". Oh that graphing calculator I will 'absolutely need for college' has literally been in my COLLEGE box that I packed before freshman year. The AP classes I took were a trip compared to what I'm taking now. The one thing they did drill into our minds that I never payed much attention to however was note taking. 

In HS I never took a single note all year. Why? Hmmm, I don't know. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with the study guides our teachers made before every test. Or the fact that everything was posted online the day of. Well kiddies, college is not like that. In fact, the professor doesn't care if you take notes or take Snap Chats all day long, because they aren't "preparing you" for jack. Besides of course, your actual life journey, in which case is your entire fault if you choose to be a failure.

2. Picking one group you belong to

Honestly what better opportunity do you have to mess around than in HS? Okay, I get it the college years are supposed to be the best of your entire life but you hear that humming in the back of your head saying "adult hood is around the corner...DUN DUN DUN" (on replay). In HS, the only thing you hear in the back of your head is "I'm going to be young forever!!!” In high school you're kind of trying to figure out where you belong and where your place in the universe is (little do you know at the time you may not figure that one out for the rest of your life). So you float around and make new friends, end friendships with old ones then rekindle all over again. You are in a tail spin for four whole years seeing what group you can call your own. When you are in college that problem does not exist. You are able to have numerous groups and this is okay. You are rapidly coming into adulthood and you start to see the different people you want to build your adult life off of and choose those who you want to be included in your "rest of your life" journey. It isn't hard to believe that this can be inclusive of numerous types of people. Don't limit your friend selection, because you will need many of those as you grow up.

3.Eating whatever, whenever

I mean yeah, you can consider yourself in your college years as being youthful, but 22 year old you and 17 year old you are not the same person. Lets face it; you're no spring chicken anymore. It isn't HS where you are going to eat 6 tacos then play sports after class. In college you are going to eat 6 tacos then play Halo after class. You are a busy bee and between class, studying, work and sleeping you really don't want to focus on a fat free diet. The sad reality is that life has been moving fast since HS and it is never going to slow down. So get in good habits now or you will screw yourself. The freshman 15 is your last mess up, get it out of your system and get into a healthy lifestyle. Or eat 6 tacos and go play Halo, I really don't care.

4. Hooking up with your ex

It's all fun and games until you see them in the hallway. No but seriously. In HS everyone dated everyone, and it was seldom someone said, "This is the last time I'm chilling with so-and-so..." and meant it, because lets face it: you will be seeing them until the day you freaking graduate. That is all child play compared to college. In college, (or as I like to call it: the Fake Real World) you will NEVER see your ex, ever! 

Why in the hell are you going to hang out with some freak of nature that you could legitimately ignore for the rest of your entire life? I wish that was an option back in the day, would have made growing up a bit easier. Do "adult you" a favor and change your foolish ways, but don't sweat it; it isn't slim pickings like it was in HS. That's the beauty of college: It's a fresh start, so don't mess it up!