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You alone this year bitch what’s up!
Happy February guys. It’s that month that reminds you how
alone you really are, or how disappointing your crap relationship actually is.
If neither of those apply to you then I don’t know why you’re even reading
this. Go watch Fifty Shades of Grey with your boyfriend or something.
Anyways, a few years ago I wrote an article on why V-Day
sucks, but this year let’s talk about turning it around. Yeah, you could just
ignore this horrid day like most single people try to do, but it’s pretty much
unavoidable. Pink hearts on TV, the radio with cheesy ADS, I can’t even walk
into CVS to get my damn face wash without being bombarded with a giant pink
bear. When ignoring becomes less of an option, why not just embrace it?
1. The waiting game
As if that one day in itself isn’t frustrating enough, you
have to wait the entire month to be asked out. Is he going to ask me? Will she
already have plans? Newsflash: if you aren’t
sure during the month of February if you will have a Valentine date, chances
are you don’t. Chances are the dude is too nervous to ask (and who wants to
deal with that) or he is just not that into you.
Now listen, men are not complex creatures. Us ladies are the
mysteries. Guys are straight forward; if they want you, you will know. Like
100%. No room for confusion. Don’t let your best friend lie to you. He isn’t too
busy to secure plans, you just aren’t the one he’s making plans with (side bitch alert!). Don’t wait around.
And men: if the girl doesn’t seem like she could care less don’t stress over
her either. She probably has guys lined up. Females can be tricky like that.
Make plans with your other single friends. Go get a drink.
Go see a movie. Cry in your bed and watch Dirty Dancing. It doesn’t matter, just
don’t wait around.
This year I only have two words: blackout Tuesday.
Oh yes, the dreaded gifts. There really isn’t any way to buy
something that’s not corny as hell. If it’s a new flame chocolates and (a giant
pink stuffed bear) whatever else CVS wants to rob you of is probably the go-to.
It’s the more solid relationships that can get complicated. I remember last Valentine’s
Day my boyfriend at the time got me lingerie. I saw the frilly little box and
ripped that shit open like it was Christmas morning. I pulled out the cutest
bra and panty combo. They were really pretty. I was like aw, BABE! You picked this out!? He was all Yeah, babe. I did. All was well and good until I tried to try it
on. I took one look at the tag. It was something like 30 C or something ridiculous
like that. For anyone confused, this bra would be more appropriate for a
Victoria Secret model. I guess my boyfriend at the time forgot he was dating a
potato that’s shaped like a little boy. The dude took my bra of for like 2
years in a row and didn’t even know my size! It was a bummer because it was
super cute.
Rumor has it he wants to give it to a new girl in the future
because he couldn’t return it. Bro, if you find a girl that fits into that I am
seriously proud of you.
Girls with stupendous racks: 1,000,000
Me: 0
Ladies, TREAT YO SELF. We don’t need a guy to do what we do
best, anyways: shopping
I don’t particularly want to bash on men this entire post
because truth be told there are some truly great guys out there who want to
take a girl out or maybe see if their dream girl is seriously taken. Just a
warning, this month can cause a serious complex for some females. *Not all just
some*. If a girl has been ignoring you literally all year and #wastinghistime20-whateverthefuck-
don’t even bother. Don’t waste your sweet time. All this girl is looking for is
a cute picture to put on Insta to prove she’s not miserable and alone.
Like I said, it’s on a Tuesday this year anyways. Go fill
your time with whatever you dudes do. Hang out with your friends. Go play some
video games or eat a burger or some shit. But do not, and I mean DO NOT catch yourself
dead texting your ex. Yeah, you know that ex I’m talking about. She’s waiting
on that regretful text like the brain ninja that she is.
Before you know it the day will be over, and everyone will
be continuing on with their normal lives, well aware of where they stand with
whomever. Humpday will emerge and you will be making weekend plans. No need to
feel bad about all of the candy you ate. In fact, good old CVS will have an
entire section of candy 50% off. Buy some for yourself, stash it in your room
and eat it until you can’t anymore. Ladies and gentlemen please take this
opportunity as a new slate. Find fresh people that you click with, or continue
that journey of being by yourself (there is nothing better than some alone
time). Why run on the same old hamster wheel? Before you know it the weekend
will arrive and you will have fellow singles running the streets eager to
mingle. Why feel sorry for yourself when you don’t have to?
In conclusion: do not wait around. Make plans of your own.
Do not fret about all of those love-birds on social media.
Go buy yourself something you actually want.
Do not let that special person string you along. You’re a
strong independent man/woman and you don’t need no run around!
Oh, and do not puke from all of the chocolate you’re about
to eat. Actually, go ahead. Knock yourself out.
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