In my own personal experience I have seen a definite change
in the quality of love I am yearning for. In all seriousness, there are
probably a million sappy posts online that try to capture the idea to never
settle, or to always follow your gut, blah blah blah. Well, yeah…duh. But can
we really write it all off on chemistry at this age or what is meant to be? Probably not, because as we
start to get older who we will be for the rest of our lives truly begins to
develop, and crappy relationships follow with it until we hit our own personal
love jack pot.
Sure,
you’re a hot, vivacious, stupefying bachelor/bachelorette and deserve the very
best (of course). However, no matter how many unsuccessful relationships you
endure you can’t automatically be inclined to view it as infra dig. Not every
guy that breaks your heart is too good for you, and you aren’t too good for
every guy that you dump on his ass. You both just have two different flames
about you- two different sources of happiness- two different things that make
you tick. No, I’m not referring to the fact that you want a diamond ring and he
wants to see strippers asses bounce at the strip club on Thursday nights (may
luck be with you if this is the case) but other differences that we write off
as not-a-big-deal because of the overwhelming chemistry we feel for our partner
and our overwhelming need to connect with them. Well that fiery chemistry you
feel won’t last forever, and if you both have total different ambitions that
chemistry might only hold you together for about a year.
So what
type of contrast am I truly talking about? Well, ambitions is a huge one. If
you’re a young gal in her 20’s like myself- divergence in ambitions could be
the biggest red flag yet. Need examples? On one side of the spectrum we have a
couple who share that common spark of interests. Let’s use my cousin who lives
in DC to analyze (sorry girl). She absolutely loves her job, like actually
loves it (yeah, one of those people). Long
story short she essentially directs videos for a Libertarian Organization. Her
counterpart also loves what he does, which is writing and reporting. If you’re
thinking Well Alicia, they have different
ambitions like you said, they will never last! – Then you have not been
paying attention as well as I was hoping. They are both passionate about work,
and how accomplishing things in that area of their lives makes them feel- this
is common among them. So when my cousin walks in and says, “Babe, look at the
footage that we were able to snag today!” they can bond about this because they
can both relate to this sort of elation.
On the
other side of the spectrum we can see how different types of drive can cause a clear disconnect. I will use myself as an example for
this one. I’ve had this issue with many of my exes, and it doesn’t mean that I
am better than any of them like I mentioned before- we just have different
things that light our fires. In college I was an avid writer for my University
website, I also drafted and carried out my own speeches for my school Speech
and Debate team. I would proudly discuss each tiny accomplishment I felt after
finishing an article, winning a competition etc. I would be beaming. Can I tell you it was like
pulling teeth to have this guy read what I put out or listen to me practice my
delivery (My speech was pretty kickass by the way and the topic was fabulously
interesting as well.) He would barely able to keep focus or act interested. Not
completely anyone’s fault- we just cared about different stuff! He was into
working making quick, good money and having a good time with friends and family
(nothing wrong with that!) but I was sick of feeling so drained and
disconnected to someone I shared chemistry with so I forced myself to connect
on different levels: Oh l planned a great
party/ Oh I heard of this great bar/ Oh lets go do something new. I
was left unhappy. I wanted to talk books, technique, and life after college.
(Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed a stiff drink then and I do now- but you get the
point).
Chemistry
is a very tricky thing don’t you know. I’ve seen it blind friends time and time
again. When you’re younger it’s like…What else is there to put into
perspective? Chemistry and love is all that matters. Well as we grow older we
need to start looking for someone who carries that spark like we do. Someone
who gets excited about the same stuff that we do. Someone who listens and cares
about the stuff we have to say because they honestly are interested. Yeah,
chemistry should be there (it would feel strange if it wasn’t in the mix
completely) but try to focus on the fact that you and this person are going to
have to float on more than good chemistry. Find the common interests, find what makes you tick and the rest will come. [WARNING: this
advice is not applicable for hook-ups, one night stands or
friends-with-benefits. Let that chemistry flag fly, girl].
This is very insightful. What made you come to this conclusion?
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