I was talking to one of my girlfriends the other day and she was asking why it’s so frowned upon to be selfish. At first I figured the answer was obvious: we should be considerate of other peoples feelings. She said, "Well, I am already considerate of peoples feelings but how come I always have to do that if they aren't considerate back?" Touché. Why is it that we can't put aside other peoples feelings for our own? In fact why is it sometimes not even expected?! Let us take a closer look at the meaning of the word.
selfish; adjective
1.
(of a person,
action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with
one's own personal profit or pleasure.
Essentially since we were in diapers we are
coached to avoid being selfish and to acknowledge other people’s feelings. We
are expected to help others save face and to even to put our feelings aside to
spare someone else’s. Sure this ties in with the grand scheme of having manners
but when is it okay to put ourselves first? Surely there must be a time for
that! We can’t possibly be expected to push all of our inner desires and
feelings aside all the time, are we? No
need to bring it to that extreme Alicia, the adults never said that. Well I
don’t remember the talk after the selfish discussion that drilled into our susceptible
minds that sometimes being selfish is the only way to grow and move forward.
Sometimes we have to be “concerned chiefly with one’s personal gain” and
growth… what the hell is so wrong with that?
Below I have laid out some examples of when it is okay to be selfish AF.
Relationships:
When the relationship is fucking
garbage. Here you probably are, running around messing with all of the strong,
competent and amazing aspects of your personality to please someone else. That
someone else just keeps taking and taking and taking; and you my friend… you
keep giving and giving and giving. I have seen some of my smartest and most
level headed girlfriends change everything from their hair color to what they
do for fun to get closer to their significant other. It isn’t pretty. Here you
two are, fighting like cats and dogs, and when the fighting is over? Well
you’re still giving them 90% and they are cruising by with a maximum of 10%
effort.
Now I get it, everyone has their days and it is vital to pick someone
up during those bad times but for goodness sake realize when you’re being used
like a cheap doormat. Be selfish, pull yourself out of this shit show and be on
your own for a while. Find yourself. Don’t worry about someone asking where you are when you’ll be back why you
acted like that. We go through years of conditioning that tells us to
protect other people’s feelings but when do we begin to protect our own?
Leaving your job:
This one hits home for me personally.
I’ve really liked some of my jobs I’ve walked away from in the past, and really
loved the people I worked with or for. It’s odd because you feel this insane
feeling of deception. Whether you like it or not, your job/career is a huge
part of your life. You spend about 40 hours a week there which is probably more
time than you spend with your loved ones. When I left my restaurant job to
pursue my first career move I felt like a double-dealing cheating sellout. They
needed me (not really). They couldn’t
function without me (they were just
fine). They could never replace me
(all of my coworkers took my good shifts like vultures). Anyways, I knew that
no matter how painful it was to leave, I had to look toward my blossoming
future. I’m actually on my second ‘adult’ job and leaving my first ‘adult’ job
was just as painful. But if you don’t take your destiny by the hair who will?
Mental and physical health:
Do
any of you guys have friends in your lives who seem to always be pressuring
you? Because I swear to God I have been cursed with friends whom I love, but
these same people talk me into anything and everything I don’t want to do. Just
drank and puked in a bush 4 hours ago? Let’s get mimosas! Just got over a cold?
Let’s go ice skating! No money? Let’s get our nails done! Going with the flow
isn’t always the best option (although many would say I’m not exactly the
‘going with the flow’ type) sometimes you have to realize when you are mentally
and physically drained. Say no. Be selfish. Lay in bed. TAKE A NAP. Tell your
friend to take a hike. Ignore all responsibilities and binge watch Netflix for
3 days straight. No actually- don’t do that. Sorry I’m getting carried away
here.
This list of when it is okay to be
selfish could probably go on forever. I could write and write and write and
push these ideas into your head. The bottom line is sometimes we exert so much
energy into other people. Too much energy into other people. It’s not only
harmful to you but to your personal evolution. I’m 24 and I am just now
learning when to put myself first. I am just now learning when to love myself,
pamper myself and do things for just
myself. I’ve never been this happy and that’s the honest to God truth. So
although it’s important to be selfless sometimes- don’t forget it’s okay to be
selfish sometimes too.
