It’s that time of the year for Halloween lovers to rejoice! The
leaves are falling, the air is crisp, and every girl within a mile radius of a
Starbucks has a pumpkin flavored latte. Now believe me, I get it. Halloween
isn’t everyone’s have all end all holiday (because who can really compete with
Thanksgiving where you eat and drink all day?) But let us ghouls have our fun! Don’t
let it be another year of going through the motions, making the same horrific
mistakes you’ve been doing for years! Which Halloween and Fall habits should
you SAVE, or take to the GRAVE?
Tanning to look good in costume… GRAVEYARD THAT SHIT!
Listen my little orange Pumpkin, I used to
be the top tanning terror of the universe, and I remember the false confidence
it gave me during holiday seasons.
Example 1: Getting fat from Christmas
treats? Tan it away!
Example 2: Need that extra color before
Valentines day? Jump in the tanning bed!
Example 3: Want to look mega hot in your
not-so-modest costume? Tan-o-rama here I come!
To be fair, being tan can really change a
look, but there are safer options. Options which won’t make you resemble candy
corn as much… Consider a safer option such as a bronzer lotion. Get that subtle
glow that’s sure to make your man’s Jack-o-Lantern light up (ha-ha).
*side
note: this product by Younique is guaranteed to give you that killer color you
are searching for.
Buy candy from the store the day after Halloween……. SAVE, DUH!
Like, literally save. Save the habit, save your money, save the embarrassment of stealing your younger sibling’s candy. Save, save, save! These deals are everywhere: CVS, Walgreens, Walmart. Feel free to hit a few places to please your sweet tooth, and regret nothing. If there is any time to break away from healthy living, I’d say this is a pretty good time.
Like, literally save. Save the habit, save your money, save the embarrassment of stealing your younger sibling’s candy. Save, save, save! These deals are everywhere: CVS, Walgreens, Walmart. Feel free to hit a few places to please your sweet tooth, and regret nothing. If there is any time to break away from healthy living, I’d say this is a pretty good time.
Group costumes/couple costumes… SAVE, (AND PROBABLY GRAVE…)
Ok, so these are either super funny, super clever, or super DUMB! Here is a short comprehensive list of group costumes that should retire, simply because they are played out, or cheesy as hell.
*3 Blind mice
* Miley Cyrus and any type of background
dancer EVER
*Shark week (used to love this, now I hate
this)
*101 Dalmatians
Also, I have something seriously against
the 101 Dalmatian idea. Unless you have that many friends, you’re not doing to
costume right. God, I can be such a hater. As for couples costumes....
Now listen, I’m not hating on the couples
costumes because I’m a single, self loathing witch (debatable)- but because it’s
impossible to take it seriously. If it’s clever and original or just plain
funny, do it. But if it’s not, be prepared for tons of fake smiles, and eye
rolls behind your backs! No one likes a played out couples costume, so ditch
the idea.
If you lovebirds have your heart set on
something, go for it! I mean, even if it’s not the most unique idea, don’t
listen to me- you should probably go for it anyways. Something is always better
than nothing; but if you and your entire crew or you and your other half can’t
even manage to pull this together, well, uh… good luck to you.
Being festive as all hell (save!)
Okay, hear me out. I know there’s a lot of Internet smack talking about getting pumpkin lattes, apple picking, and pumpkin carving but I say screw it. As adults what do we even have to look forward to? If I can’t be obnoxiously excited about a bullshit holiday, than you can just pack me in now, my ride ends here. Sure, it might be in bad taste to dress up and go trick-or-treating, so that’s why as adults we’ve created all these desperate ploys to still celebrate. I mean, if I want to have 3 pumpkin martinis on a Wednesday night, you can bet your cobwebbed ass I am! Anyone that has a problem with it can take it up with me and Casper the friendly ghost, who are getting chocolaty wasted in the corner.
Being festive as all hell (save!)
Okay, hear me out. I know there’s a lot of Internet smack talking about getting pumpkin lattes, apple picking, and pumpkin carving but I say screw it. As adults what do we even have to look forward to? If I can’t be obnoxiously excited about a bullshit holiday, than you can just pack me in now, my ride ends here. Sure, it might be in bad taste to dress up and go trick-or-treating, so that’s why as adults we’ve created all these desperate ploys to still celebrate. I mean, if I want to have 3 pumpkin martinis on a Wednesday night, you can bet your cobwebbed ass I am! Anyone that has a problem with it can take it up with me and Casper the friendly ghost, who are getting chocolaty wasted in the corner.
So here’s to another year of terrifying traditions and
horrific habits. Above all guys: have fun, and be SAFE!
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