If you consider college a culture
you know that being constantly drunk is just a way of life. It is truly a work
of art. Just like the cliché you will always hear coming from some
30-something-year old at the bar who misses their crazy glory days, “DUDE, when
I was in college all I did was get hammered, barely made it to class, played
video games…oh and more drinking.” Annoying, but actually quite accurate.
So how come
for a culture that is in a reoccurring state of being boozed out are we not
drunk-convo literate?
[def.] drunk-convo
literacy: able to decode drunk assholes conversations for what it really is.
All jokes
aside right now, here is the perfect example of D-CL: It was my freshman year
and literally everyone was hooking up with everyone.
I think my school mates were kind of like “Wooooo it’s college lets get it!”.
This was also the year of the blossoming phrase, “YOLO”. Anyways, I remember
this one couple vividly that was hooking up and let me tell you, they were as
mismatched as a couple as Miley Cyrus is wearing a drug rug. The thing was
everybody knew they were only a thing because of one reason: Whenever they hung
out they were always messed up. Like, alone, they were drunks-… and together,
they were a walking talking shit show.
I was only
slightly close enough to both parties to get the jist of their relationship.
They had gotten drunk together for like 5 Thursdays in a row so they had to
make it official. They would drunkenly tell each other how “much they liked
each other” and how “there was a connection” they couldn’t deny. And everyone
else was all You guys are fucking weird
together.
As life
often goes, the spark fizzled out and the two went their separate ways. Aka
they finally hung out sober and realized they had nothing in common besides,
well…drinking.
You see,
what must have happened is they sobered the hell up and realized they didn’t
like each other that much and really had no “connection”. Had they been D-CL
they would have realized that by “liking each other so much” they really meant
“wow, we get along together great after 10 pm, and our friend groups work out
together too”. And by “connection” they “couldn’t deny” really meant “We kick
ass as a ruit team”. Go figure. But they aren’t the only victims of drunken
words.
“OMG take my number,
wait you probably have it saved??!! We HAVE to hang out tomorrow! I miss
youuu!”
D-CL: We used to hang out, and now I don’t give you the time
of day. Since I ran into you at this party I should act like I will put in more
of an effort from here on out (I won’t though).
“I miss ya faceee,
come to my dorm after thissss?”
D-CL: I miss that ass, let me get a little more drunk so I
can spend some more time with people I actually miss
“You are beautiful,
kiss me?”
D-CL: You look hot as hell right now. Maybe its beer
goggles. Whatever, lets get this started already.
Just to clarify, I don’t solidly believe that all drunken
words are bullshit. Sometimes we really say what we mean and mean what we say!
Its us, just us a little more, uh….
Intense? For example, when I look at my close girlfriend in the eyes and say
“WE ARE TOTALLY GOING FOR A RUN TOMORROW” I don’t actually mean stay in bed all
day puking from this killer hang over, I really believe we are going to go for a run. It’s totally sick right? Just
understand that even sincere words are not always true, because after a couple
of shots of tequila you are Superwoman/Superman. It.Is.Not.Real.Life.
Ladies, if a dude says he really likes you after he just
funneled a beer please don’t bring it up the next day at “Lets get breakfast
and talk about how drunk we were last night” and actually believe it. When guys
are drunk they love attention, I mean they love it from girls anyways but it is
a 10 fold after a few beers.
Heed my warning of drunken words my friends. Don’t fall
victim.
